Leaving on a jet plane....

Well some good news and not so good news...

It's been a bit of a hectic few months with one thing and another...so in true mid-life crisis style I've decided to have a career break.

The good news is that I've managed to convince my boss to give me a few months unpaid leave to go back to Africa and do some voluntary work. It's such an exciting opportunity that I've been trying to set up for ages - but one thing and another always got in the way.
I'll be splitting my time between an elephant orphanage and teaching English to local kids...then tagging on a little safari before heading back.

Anyway that's the good news.

The bad news is that I'm going to be without good/regular internet access for the next few months so will be parking my blog until I'm back in August...hopefully with a killer tan and some great stories.

So before I jet off tomorrow I'd just like to say thanks for all your support and encouragement over the past 4 months...this blogging lark is a good laugh and easily turns into a bit of an obsession. Which is all helped by your crazy post and awesome comments.

Anyway fear not, in the words of the former governor of California:-

I'll be back.... 

Peace

G

Imogen Thomas

Evening Blogeratti,

good Monday?
Well I've just about recovered from the Rapture party and, to be honest, I was slightly glad that what I thought was hell on earth turned out to be the worst hang-over ever.
The lesson being not to combine a bottle of the finest tequila with a few bottles of the finest champagne...for some reason the owner of the champagne didn't understand that the impending end of the world meant that normal rules didn't apply - luckily the nice police officer was more understanding :)

Anyway in an executive blogging decision  I've decided that this weeks Barmaid of the week is Imogen Thomas.
Now for you folks across the pond you may not have heard of this little welsh wench, but I hope her natural talents shine through and speak the universal language of 'damn fine'.

Certainly a married premier football player thought so - hence why she's in the British press a lot recently.

Apparently she is also thinking of starting a singing career starting with Gigs in Manchester :)

Anyway I leave you with a little balancing challenge/bar bet.
How do you balance a fork and a spoon on a match...balanced on the edge of a glass...

...here's how:-

Peace

G

Comic - the Rapture

A little late - but I thought I'd share :)

Peace

G

Beer = bad bowels

Evening Blogerati,

Last weekend and the Spring Fest in Munich seems a distant memory.
Generally it was an awesome trip - but the one downside was having to share a room with 3 other blokes, especially as beer seemed to give everyone bad flatulence.
Now its not the most wholesome of topics but it did get me thinking about why beer seemed to trigger a competition on who could brew the deadliest bottom burp.

Firstly I thought it might be due to the carbonated nature of beer. After all when you crack open a cold one and pour it into a glass you can see the gas bubbling out. However coke is similarly full of gas and doesn't have the same effect in cooking up air biscuits.

The real cause comes from the presence in beer of complex sugars.

While simple sugars are easily broken down and metabolised in the stomach and upper intestine, the complex sugars persist through to the lower intestine. Here the bacteria and flora of the gut get to work on the complex sugars producing gas as a by-product. This builds up and seeks it's natural way out of your body - sometimes with hilarious consequences.

Some points of etiquette around flatulence are:

• If you are a real gentleman and realise that a lady had some small misfortune then you are supposed to plead guilty in her place and formally excuse yourself.
• Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch oven! Dutch oven!' 
• Passing wind in a lift is strongly advised against. There is no way for the victims to escape or open a window, and revenge may follow immediately.
• It is wise to stay clear of suspect food well before such important occasions as a job interview, the school ball, receiving a Nobel prize, or asking your girlfriend the 'big' question.
• You should know what's about to happen if someone stretches out their hand to you and asks you to pull their finger. There's danger ahead. Don't do it!

Acoustics...

Some talented souls can pass gas at will, even having so much control that little tunes can be played.
The most famous and talented bottom bassoonist was Joseph Pujoi (1857-1945) who earned a living from his ability to inhale air into his rectal orifice and to expel it in a variety of noises and tunes.
This star of the Moulin Rouge stunned crowds with his ability to smoke cigarettes and blow out candles using a tube to protect his modesty. 

Anyway the best way to prevent beer related flatulence is by taking activated charcoal tablets - it certainly helped the guys I was staying with :)

Peace

G

Opening beer with paper

Evening Blogerati,

Here's a little beer related trick for you that could be turned into a bet if you so desired.
The challenge is simple - simply open the bottle of beer using nothing more than paper.

Here's how...

I'm going to be re-designing the blog over the next few weeks...or at least that is my intention.
So let me know what you like/don't like...and any ideas you have for content :)

Peace

G

Comic - the IMF

Fruhlingsfest - part 2

Evening Blogerati,

Now my mate Chris is a bit of a drinking legend - the alpha male of any drinking night out, full of banter and one of those annoying people who never ever seems to get drunk. However lately marriage and kids have come along and he hasn't been out with us in a while. It was touch and go whether he would be aloud to come away with us but having got a pass he threw himself into the drinking games....

After leaving Lenz we headed to the festival...and got about 500 yards before Chris had a little drunken stumble.
Normally not a issue...but Chris' choice of drinking footwear (some flip-flops) meant that he stubbed his toe and ended up with gravel stuck somewhere under his toe nail.

This had the effect of crippling him, which wasn't helped by Sam deciding to use his prone form as a trampoline.
Anyway apparently he just needed sometime - so we left him propped up next to the toilets while we headed into the festival.

Wisely we decided that more beer would probably not be the best idea - unwisely we decided that karting was the perfect substitute. I'm not great at karting at the best of times...so after crashing for the third time I gave up and pulled into the pits and decided to check on Chris.
He hadn't moved...
...but he had got some of the beer out of his system and onto his jeans...all over the floor...lol
In an unusual act of mercy, for me, I left my camera in my pocket...and got him a bottle of water.

The fact that he'd ended up in such a state so quickly was enough.
The fact that I had to then carry him back to the hotel was better.
The fact that he then didn't make it out of bed until the following day - was perfect.
...and the fact that he then tried to blame his poor drinking skills on a lack of sleep, lack of food, the stone in his toe...well for me it made the weekend...possibly the year

Peace

G

Fruhlingsfest - part 1

Evening Blogerati!

well I'm back after an intense few days in Munich drinking with the boys and will be back into following and supporting all my favourite blogs :)

I've been to Munich many times in the past - mainly for the Oktoberfest but this time we ventured over for the Fruhlingsfest (Spring Festival).

Now I'd like to consider myself a bit of a beer drinking veteran. After all I've been downing the amber stuff for around 20 years, partied on 5 continents, consumed every type of alcohol I can find... and there is nothing like pride before a fall.

There were a few guys with us who hadn't been to Munich before, so after landing at 9am we headed to the hotel to drop our bags off before having a little tour of Munich to find our bearings.
This tour started in Lenz, a great little bar right by the Theresienwiese with the plan being to have our first stein in the sunshine, maybe some lunch and then a walk around the festival.

The perfect start - good beer...good weather...good company
All it needed was a little drinking game.

Now I thought I'd pitched this at just the right level. Nothing extreme just a few simple beer drinking rules:-

• When you drink it has to be with your left hand
• When you put a glass down you have to tap it twice on the table 
• If anyone puts their thumb on the edge of the table...then the last person to follow suit has to drink a penalty shot.

If you broke either of the first two then you had to drink two fingers from your stein - as I said nothing extreme.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well one Stein turned into two...
Then a few Italian friends turned up.
Three steins - just to be sociable
Then they bough a round of drinks = 4 Litres of beer in about 3 hours...

That's when it got a little stupid.
One of the girls decided she wanted to paint everyone's fingernails...I think it's an Italian thing.
Then one of the lads decided he wanted his toenails done...which resulted in his shoe's being thrown out of the beer garden (totally justified in my book). Which resulted in him throwing his beer over the person who threw his shoe...and it all descended into chaos.

This was the point where we left, leading to more drunken mis-adventures

Peace

G

Sunshine on a rainy day

Evening Blogerati,

well the weather here has taken a turn, with glorious sunshine being replaced by thunderous showers.
But hey it's always sunny in Wales, just sometimes we have a little liquid sunshine...or a lot.

A little rain isn't going to dampen my mood as I fly out to Munich in 4 days time for a weekend of culture, finery....ah who am i kidding it's the Spring Festival so I'll be getting some much needed stein practice in ahead of the Oktoberfest later in the year. There are 7 of us going (many for the first time) plus we're meeting a load of Ittalian friends over there...so I think it might just get a little messy.

Best dust off some of those tricks and drinking games.

To add a little more sunshine it seems I've been lucky enough to be nominated for the Sunshine award by these glorious people:-

• Shutterbug
• Astronomy Pirate
• duffboi
• Rob
• ed

Scholars and gentlefolk one and all.

Also in a little apocalyptic twist on a similar theme I was also awarded the
"Zomtastic Blog Award" by MAX POWER. 

you gotta go sometime

Cheers everyone - and if you haven't checked these blogs - do so they're all great (not that I'm biased in any way).

So the common rules rules for these awards are:

• Thank the person who gave you this award and link back to them in your post. (check)
• Tell us some things about yourself.
  What haven't I already shared...mmmmmm
  I like to kick against the corporate culture by point blank refusing to wear ties or suits.
  They pay me for what's in my head not what fashion sense I have.
• Nominate 10 bloggers. (see below)
• Contact these bloggers and let them know they have received this award. (see below)

I'm going to spread this out a little...over the next few posts.

So first up I nominate Jay's World of Mortgage Comparison

Peace


G

Monster Movie

The stages of being drunk...

Evening Blogerati,

For this weekends post I thought I'd focus on the effects of alcohol during a night out.
After all most of us have observed the stages of drunkenness first hand - so some of this should be familiar.

The below is based on my experiences...

Soberish
The first couple of drinks don't really have a noticeable effect...but you know a good night is ahead

Energized
As the alcohol starts flooding your system you start feeling warmer as your body temperature starts to rise.
This enables girls to wear next to nothing in the depths of winter and grown men to shun taking a jacket out because they're intending to 'pick up their beer coat later'.

Happy talking talking
As happy hour rolls on you start feeling less inhibited and socially awkward. Suddenly you can talk to anyone on any subject and you just know that what you're coming up with is pure comedy genius. Also as you have just graduated from the University of Beer every opinion you have is 100% spot on correct - only fools would argue with you.

I wonder why he's the greatest dancer
Mid flow in conversation you suddenly here the music calling you... yes it's cheesy...yes it's just like 70's disco...but hey you ARE the greatest dancer.
As inhibitions drop further and energy levels surge you just can't help showing off some moves. After all you could show John Travolta a thing or two.

I love you guys
At this stage in the evening you realise that warm fuzzy glow inside doesn't come from the 10 cocktails you've just consumed...no it's from the warmth and love of your mates and anyone who you've just met.
Speech gets a little slurry as you insist on telling everyone you know how much they mean to you and how you'll be BFF's forever... What does it matter if you've only known them for a few hours...best mates are best mates!

She's the next Miss World
As the night continues and draws to a close you suddenly notice the most beautiful woman on the planet. It must be fate as why else would she be alone on the dance floor...waiting for a witty and hansom stranger (such as your good self) to go over and show her just how you should dance to "(I've had) the time of my life"

I am Superman
Yes I might be slurring my speech...yes I might be stumbling a bit...but it's ok because I'm invulnerable and hard as nails and...

I'll be back
At least that is what the dodgy kebab just said as you hurl it up down some ally, with Miss World in tow.
It's got to that stage in the night where your body can not take any more and to stop it absorbing anymore toxic alcohol it decides to clear out your stomach...

Time for bed
...or at least sleep, because 'bed' is really an optional extra. After all under that bush looks really comfy.
Vaguely you seem to think that drinking water would be a good idea...

From a clinical perspective the 'stages' of drunkenness are (acording to wikepidia :-

Euphoria (Blood Alcohol Content of around 0.03% to 0.12%)
Overall improvement in mood and possible euphoria
Increased self-confidence
Increased sociability
Shortened attention span
Flushed appearance
Inhibited judgment
Impaired fine muscle coordination

Lethargy (Blood Alcohol Content of around 0.09% to 0.25%)
Sedation
Impaired memory and comprehension
Delayed reactions
Ataxia; balance difficulty; unbalanced walk
Blurred vision; other senses may be impaired

Confusion (Blood Alcohol Content of around 0.18% to 0.30%)
Profound confusion
Emotional lability
Impaired senses
Analgesia
Increased ataxia; impaired speech; staggering
Dizziness often associated with nausea ("the spins")
Vomiting (emesis) 

Stupor (Blood Alcohol Content of around 0.25% to 0.40%)
Severe ataxia
Lapses in and out of consciousness
Unconsciousness
Anterograde amnesia
Vomiting (death may occur due to inhalation of vomit (pulmonary aspiration) while unconscious)
Respiratory depression (potentially life-threatening)
Decreased heart rate
Urinary incontinence 

Coma (Blood Alcohol Content of around 0.35% to 0.50%)
Unconsciousness (coma)
Depressed reflexes (i.e., pupils do not respond appropriately to changes in light)
Marked and life-threatening respiratory depression
Markedly decreased heart rate
Most deaths from alcohol poisoning are caused by dosage levels in this range.

So there you go - know your limits and know when to stop...

Peace

G

Bar bet - the cork drop

Evening Blogerati

Everyone having a good week?

Today I bring you a simple and easy trick that normally stumps people.

The challenge is simple. Drop a wine cork three times so that each time it lands upright.

Here's how:-

The science
As the cork drops it normally lands with one end lower than the other, which causes it to bounce and spin.
Because of the reduced height this means it lands on it's end before rotating further... it might need a little practice but once you have the knack it's easy.

Peace

G

Drinking game - Amy Winehands...

Evening Blogerati,

well it's been another busy week with a new project kicking off in work with lots of tree hugging and team building. With a Prince2 course next week followed by a boys trip to Munich for the summer festival - It's going to get busier.

It seems the more you get into blogging the more it consumes your life and I never thought that after 3 months I'd still be here blogging away.

A friend of mine in work has just come back from a rugby tour up north in Bradford - and as with many rugby tours many drinking games were played.

To even get onto the tour bus they had to participate in a little game called Amy Winehands...

This essentially involves a bottle of wine

some gaffer tape

and...well a little bondage

(Note: the boys in this picture are playing the novice version of the game Edward Ciderhands)

So anyway to get on the coach each player had to hold his open bottle of wine while it was taped firmly to both hands. Rendering the player unable to do anything constructive other than drink the wine.
Yes and you guessed it, there was no escape or being cut free until all the wine was drunk.

As drinking games go it's a bit restrictive, but a great way to start any long journey with drinking company.

Peace

G

Back on track...

Evening Blogerati,

as Banacek pointed out there hasn't been many bar tricks and wenches of late.
So lets put that right - starting with today's post.

For the rest of the week I've drafted in Cheryl Cole as the barmaid.
Now Cheryl may not seem the natural popular choice, she polled a single vote in the last pole, but I'm hoping this may be due to friends across the pond not being familiar with her pint sized geordie charms.

Let me know what you think?

I also mentioned a few weeks ago that i'd seen a bottle of wine opened with a sword and so I present you with another stupid and crazy way to open wine (just for the sake of it)...I just wish my bayonet collection wasn't lost somewhere in my old man's attic, so I had to use a knife.

Peace

G

P.S. A new pole should be up by tomorrow, suggestions for barmaids are always welcome :)

Disney weekend...

Evening Blogerati,

another quick post this weekend, as surf and bbq's kept me away from the PC.

Anyway - what a bank holiday it was, I knew there was a reason for those royals postponing their honeymoon...

Hope you're all having a blast (:

Peace,

G